Anita worked as a free lancer as a journalist, writer, taking on assignments generally on women, development………. Things that interested her. In college, she had gone to a village as part of a student team to help an NGO and that had got her hooked to development and rural issues. Of and on she also worked as a consultant with research agencies . She often used these research projects as a topic that she could write on… but sex selection…… it was a topic that immediately raised a churning feeling in her…. How people could be doing this, she wondered, and the problem was growing …. Despite a decade of the quote unquote feminist movement, and ads and serials….could this have contributed to this trend insead of arresting it? Hmmmmmmmm.. and she let the thought sink in…. made herself a fresh cup of tea… and after seeing Kailash off, with a hu and a peck on the cheek, called Kiran, her collegue and college friend.
Anita: Good morning. Hari Om. Good time to talk? Or should I call later.
(Kiran is in a nighty, with a cup of coffee sitting in the living room reading the paper. The house is a lived in place, with papers, books pencils all over the table, a couple of cups from morning tea, on the floor are some toys thrown around. Kiran is carefree and relaxed in her living space. She is reading the paper, smoking .
Kiran: Good time. Everyones gone…. Let me just get a cup of coffee..
A: Yokay. Me too.
Coffee in hand, Anita curled on her lounge chair on the terrace.
K : Mornings….onr big round of activities…. Sending kids to school. Sending hubby to work, every day… honestly I’m so bored….
A: You telling me…. But whats the point of complaining…. Guess we need to do something to bring some of the excitement back to life…. Like when we were in college….but called up for something else….. Kailash is having this meeting to thrash out a proposal on doing research on the declining sex ratio, and I’m just having this thought, that how come after a decade of the so called womens movement in India, with campaigns on so many topics, more and more women working, getting an income and often looking after families, why is it that the sex ratio is declining? All the activities were to raise the status of women, wasn’t it? Well, could it be that everything was so misdirected, that all did not lead to increased status for women, but to her devaluation. In other words, could what has been done be a contributing cause for this decline? Question mark.
K:(twirling her hair with her index finger, her thinking stance) Hmm….. lets see. When we were in the movement what were the issues we highlighted.. …. First it was rape. We campaigned on a change of law, and the media covered rape rape rape…..so even though the law was changed, could it be that all the coverage and talk about rape got more people aware that this is occuring in society and gave the impression that this was happening a lot in the society and therefore raised the fear level of the general population … and in turn increased the fear that having a girl child had problems that they had not thought about before. Interesting…. Never thought of it like that.
A: And then there was dowry and dowry deaths ( Anita excited because Kiran had not laughed at her thought but had given it a consideration)……. Where we highlighted dowry deaths … and the inaction of the police….. I mean, it was as if every woman and every marriage in India had the knife over it with the possibility of murder and death.
K: Sure it was happening, but not everywhere. The media was great we thought in covering every small mocha we were taking out, but could this have led to a generalised increased fear that girls mean problems, that dowry was a looming issue , so better not to have a girl and to face all these problems. I can remember conversations like this in the home of my cousins, at that time I just thought it was unaware girls and boys talking but the tone of the conversation was certainly one that said girls are problems.
A: See, am getting to feel that the intentions of activists let me call them do gooders, what their intentions are and what the result in society is could be quite different. I got this idea from what I was reading some time back,where I don’t remember. But it was talking about the British campaign about Don’t use drugs – which was heavily propogated through bill boards, TV radio, pamhlets, etc. The aim was to reduce youth from trying out drugs. But six months after the campaign, the use of drugs was going higher, not lower. Brits being brits wondered why? And they carried out research amongst the youth and found that the ads had actually increased the awareness of all the youth that such things that mind altering drugs exist, and if the government was saying its bad there must be something interesting about it… so lets give it a try/ ultimtely it is a small group of youth who were taking drugs, and others were largely unware about what aking drugs was all about. Through all the ads the awareness levels increased and it was cool to go against the gvernment…. So net result the exact opposite of what was intended, Interesting no?
K: (Laughing)….Very. Activists. You know I left because it was so obvious, the intentions of the main activists… it was to get recognition, power, it had nothing to do with really helping people, or women. I remember when some of us raised the issue of wether it was correct to go into an area and have morchas on rape, we used to more or less force ourselves onto communities, as if we had the moral right … and most often the womans life became more miserable…. It was after one of these morchas, when 2 of us went back - that was something else. We never went back to see what was happening, what we could do to help… it was a one time act and it was for publicity… when we went back the mother shouted as we were coming in, don’t come in here , you have done enough damage in our lives. I wish that you had ever come. When we brought this up at the meeting saying we need to discuss it, it was amazing… no one wanted to discuss anything…. It was more tht our agenda is to do this , organise more of the same.
A: This is so contra to what people think they are doing…. And if you try and even get some of the people who are funding various researches, writings, actions, you get a response which says what the hell are you talking about.
K: So what are you going to do at this meeting today?
A: What do you think?
K: Whose proposal? Whose funding?
A: Who else. One of those UN agencies based in Delhi.
K: I really wonder, why is it that all these agencies… like UN, and all these agencies are so interested and why are they so keen to do something about this. Same question also of AIDS. I mean, why are they spending zillions of dollars on this? Why are they so concerned? Is it still part of this colonial attitude that only sees and talks about the ills and problems in third world countires? Why not give indians money –as much money as they spend here – and we will study their socieities and their problems. What we as Indians see as their problems, their extrememly atomised lives and come up with interventions to solve them Ha. . You know Im totally against all these friangees who have hazaar moneys…..all of them talk holier than thou… and all these people who suck up to them.
A: Hey, got to run… late as usual… great talking to you … have a great day
Monday, May 12, 2008
anita home 3
With kids packed away Anita took a five minute breather, put on the news, made another cup of tea , and opened the paper. Kailash came out of the bathroom, dripping wet, he was always at his desk at the research agency half an hour before the first person came in…. 8.30 am. Anita had complained. It meant that she had a constant work in the morning – she would have liked a break after sending the kids to school.
“ Its not to keep an eye on them or anything,” he explained to Anita when she had complained, “ I like it, the minutes thinking about the day and what I need to do before everyone comes in, with all their questions, decisions, clients calling, getting updates…. All that kisch misch…”.
Him getting out of the bath was her signal to make his breakfast, dabba for lunch. Putting up the volume for the news, she went back to the kitchen with her cup of tea, today somehow she was in no mood for major work, like chopping onions for omlettes, so she dumped three eggs into the water for boiling (simplist, she thought…but I will say its healthiest when Kailash scowls)… put in the toast, and in five minutes, the orange juice, eggs, toast, coffee was on the table, as Kailash came walking in, buttoning up his shirt….. He looked real smart and handsome, Anita thought and smiled, “You smell good” she murmured, putting his lunch, a brown bread sandwich and fruit in his bag.
“So whats on today” she asked.
“Can you spare an hour in the morning today? Have to put together a proposal on the declining sex ratio and …you know …. And have called a meeting on it today”
“How come you remember telling me at the last moment,” she protested. “You’ve known about this for a few days. Sometimes take me seriously and not just your wife. Whats going to occur in the meeting?”
He grinned. She was right, and he knew it. Better not to say anything. Maybe then this thought will go away, die away. If he replied, before you could say anything it would lead into an argument, it would get energy and get stronger.
“You are right as usual.There will be a presentation of what the current knowledge is, where there is a decline, what is the legal postiion, what awareness campaigns have been done so far…. And then what is the question that we think is the most crucial and how we plan to approach it….. Consolation …. There’s good lunch” knowing she liked Subway sandwiches and chips and salad for lunch.
“What time” Anita asked.
“Eleven”.
“It will take couple of hours . No lunch for you then, I’ll be there,” and she went back to the kitchen to put off the gas. Yehhhhhhhh……….No need for a dabba or lunch today.
“ Its not to keep an eye on them or anything,” he explained to Anita when she had complained, “ I like it, the minutes thinking about the day and what I need to do before everyone comes in, with all their questions, decisions, clients calling, getting updates…. All that kisch misch…”.
Him getting out of the bath was her signal to make his breakfast, dabba for lunch. Putting up the volume for the news, she went back to the kitchen with her cup of tea, today somehow she was in no mood for major work, like chopping onions for omlettes, so she dumped three eggs into the water for boiling (simplist, she thought…but I will say its healthiest when Kailash scowls)… put in the toast, and in five minutes, the orange juice, eggs, toast, coffee was on the table, as Kailash came walking in, buttoning up his shirt….. He looked real smart and handsome, Anita thought and smiled, “You smell good” she murmured, putting his lunch, a brown bread sandwich and fruit in his bag.
“So whats on today” she asked.
“Can you spare an hour in the morning today? Have to put together a proposal on the declining sex ratio and …you know …. And have called a meeting on it today”
“How come you remember telling me at the last moment,” she protested. “You’ve known about this for a few days. Sometimes take me seriously and not just your wife. Whats going to occur in the meeting?”
He grinned. She was right, and he knew it. Better not to say anything. Maybe then this thought will go away, die away. If he replied, before you could say anything it would lead into an argument, it would get energy and get stronger.
“You are right as usual.There will be a presentation of what the current knowledge is, where there is a decline, what is the legal postiion, what awareness campaigns have been done so far…. And then what is the question that we think is the most crucial and how we plan to approach it….. Consolation …. There’s good lunch” knowing she liked Subway sandwiches and chips and salad for lunch.
“What time” Anita asked.
“Eleven”.
“It will take couple of hours . No lunch for you then, I’ll be there,” and she went back to the kitchen to put off the gas. Yehhhhhhhh……….No need for a dabba or lunch today.
kailash
Kailash worked in a research agency. Well, he was the head of the regional office and each day he left for work by 8.00 so he could reach the office by 9.00 and have at least half an hour by himself to organize his day. Actually the thinking would start almost as soon as he was up. The alarm would ring for Anita, she would doze for ten more minutes, he usually gave her a cuddle before she got up and he would doze till she came in with a cup of tea for him. It was one of the things that he loved…. Tea in bed, looking out on the verandah, where Anita put out bajra seeds for the pigeons who waited for her each day.
He could recognize them now. Each one had a different personality…. That one was the bully. On certain days he would peck at any of the pigeons who were eating. If any pigeon dared to come behind his back and take a seed from the corner, he or she would immediately turn and flutter his wings and aggressively send the pigeon flying off. Sometimes a pigeon would fluff up all its feathers and making cooing noises go round and round with his head going up and down, round and round, up and down. The mating game. Today there was one pigeon in the middle and two wooers one on each side. She would turn, look at each, and … I guess not liking what she saw, flew away.
It was only these few minutes in the day when he enjoyed things around him in a quiet uninterrupted way.
Thinking would start ….. what did he have to finish today…..what had to get done. Kailash was with a research agency. He was one of the few guys who had studied arts – he had been the only guy amongst 100 girls in his college when he did his bachelors, and also his masters. Sociology, the arts were considred soft girlie topics…. Not for those who wanted to succeed. They would be in science, becoming doctors, engineers or atnMBA from the IIM’s. Kailash was more interested in what he saw as the chaos of life. And that’s why he went into sociology and where he had met Anita. They had both been part of a college team which had gone to the drought areas of Maharashtra in…
Today he had to send a proposal on what kind of research was needed to address the growing decline in the sex ratio in some of the districts.
He sighed… it was always difficult to work on topics like this, than on market research, where it was all about toothpaste, cigarette, soft drinks how to build up the brand, or how to improve customer or employee satisfaction. To a large extent, this was quite standard, and it did not have the capacity to upset or depress anyone. After all, there was nothing really special about it.
It was trying to understand how one could approach a social topic topics that angered, that one got emotionally involved with which were the most challenging. Most difficult. One got involved. It was something that people in research wanted ….mainly because they believed that what they said could make a difference in the lives of others. It gave a sense of mission and purpose and that essentially was why one went into research in the first place. And it was rare to get an assignment . Anita would be valuable to have onto the meeting….. and wondering how he could entice her into coming, he went for his bath
He could recognize them now. Each one had a different personality…. That one was the bully. On certain days he would peck at any of the pigeons who were eating. If any pigeon dared to come behind his back and take a seed from the corner, he or she would immediately turn and flutter his wings and aggressively send the pigeon flying off. Sometimes a pigeon would fluff up all its feathers and making cooing noises go round and round with his head going up and down, round and round, up and down. The mating game. Today there was one pigeon in the middle and two wooers one on each side. She would turn, look at each, and … I guess not liking what she saw, flew away.
It was only these few minutes in the day when he enjoyed things around him in a quiet uninterrupted way.
Thinking would start ….. what did he have to finish today…..what had to get done. Kailash was with a research agency. He was one of the few guys who had studied arts – he had been the only guy amongst 100 girls in his college when he did his bachelors, and also his masters. Sociology, the arts were considred soft girlie topics…. Not for those who wanted to succeed. They would be in science, becoming doctors, engineers or atnMBA from the IIM’s. Kailash was more interested in what he saw as the chaos of life. And that’s why he went into sociology and where he had met Anita. They had both been part of a college team which had gone to the drought areas of Maharashtra in…
Today he had to send a proposal on what kind of research was needed to address the growing decline in the sex ratio in some of the districts.
He sighed… it was always difficult to work on topics like this, than on market research, where it was all about toothpaste, cigarette, soft drinks how to build up the brand, or how to improve customer or employee satisfaction. To a large extent, this was quite standard, and it did not have the capacity to upset or depress anyone. After all, there was nothing really special about it.
It was trying to understand how one could approach a social topic topics that angered, that one got emotionally involved with which were the most challenging. Most difficult. One got involved. It was something that people in research wanted ….mainly because they believed that what they said could make a difference in the lives of others. It gave a sense of mission and purpose and that essentially was why one went into research in the first place. And it was rare to get an assignment . Anita would be valuable to have onto the meeting….. and wondering how he could entice her into coming, he went for his bath
anitas trip 2
Kailash worked in a research agency. Well, he was the head of the regional office and each day he left for work by 8.00 so he could reach the office by 9.00 and have at least half an hour by himself to organize his day. Actually the thinking would start almost as soon as he was up. The alarm would ring for Anita, she would doze for ten more minutes, he usually gave her a cuddle before she got up and he would doze till she came in with a cup of tea for him. It was one of the things that he loved…. Tea in bed, looking out on the verandah, where Anita put out bajra seeds for the pigeons who waited for her each day.
He could recognize them now. Each one had a different personality…. That one was the bully. On certain days he would peck at any of the pigeons who were eating. If any pigeon dared to come behind his back and take a seed from the corner, he or she would immediately turn and flutter his wings and aggressively send the pigeon flying off. Sometimes a pigeon would fluff up all its feathers and making cooing noises go round and round with his head going up and down, round and round, up and down. The mating game. Today there was one pigeon in the middle and two wooers one on each side. She would turn, look at each, and … I guess not liking what she saw, flew away.
It was only these few minutes in the day when he enjoyed things around him in a quiet uninterrupted way.
Thinking would start ….. what did he have to finish today…..what had to get done. Kailash was with a research agency. He was one of the few guys who had studied arts – he had been the only guy amongst 100 girls in his college when he did his bachelors, and also his masters. Sociology, the arts were considred soft girlie topics…. Not for those who wanted to succeed. They would be in science, becoming doctors, engineers or atnMBA from the IIM’s. Kailash was more interested in what he saw as the chaos of life. And that’s why he went into sociology and where he had met Anita. They had both been part of a college team which had gone to the drought areas of Maharashtra in…
Today he had to send a proposal on what kind of research was needed to address the growing decline in the sex ratio in some of the districts.
He sighed… it was always difficult to work on topics like this, than on market research, where it was all about toothpaste, cigarette, soft drinks how to build up the brand, or how to improve customer or employee satisfaction. To a large extent, this was quite standard, and it did not have the capacity to upset or depress anyone. After all, there was nothing really special about it.
It was trying to understand how one could approach a social topic topics that angered, that one got emotionally involved with which were the most challenging. Most difficult. One got involved. It was something that people in research wanted ….mainly because they believed that what they said could make a difference in the lives of others. It gave a sense of mission and purpose and that essentially was why one went into research in the first place. And it was rare to get an assignment . Anita would be valuable to have onto the meeting….. and wondering how he could entice her into coming, he went for his bath
He could recognize them now. Each one had a different personality…. That one was the bully. On certain days he would peck at any of the pigeons who were eating. If any pigeon dared to come behind his back and take a seed from the corner, he or she would immediately turn and flutter his wings and aggressively send the pigeon flying off. Sometimes a pigeon would fluff up all its feathers and making cooing noises go round and round with his head going up and down, round and round, up and down. The mating game. Today there was one pigeon in the middle and two wooers one on each side. She would turn, look at each, and … I guess not liking what she saw, flew away.
It was only these few minutes in the day when he enjoyed things around him in a quiet uninterrupted way.
Thinking would start ….. what did he have to finish today…..what had to get done. Kailash was with a research agency. He was one of the few guys who had studied arts – he had been the only guy amongst 100 girls in his college when he did his bachelors, and also his masters. Sociology, the arts were considred soft girlie topics…. Not for those who wanted to succeed. They would be in science, becoming doctors, engineers or atnMBA from the IIM’s. Kailash was more interested in what he saw as the chaos of life. And that’s why he went into sociology and where he had met Anita. They had both been part of a college team which had gone to the drought areas of Maharashtra in…
Today he had to send a proposal on what kind of research was needed to address the growing decline in the sex ratio in some of the districts.
He sighed… it was always difficult to work on topics like this, than on market research, where it was all about toothpaste, cigarette, soft drinks how to build up the brand, or how to improve customer or employee satisfaction. To a large extent, this was quite standard, and it did not have the capacity to upset or depress anyone. After all, there was nothing really special about it.
It was trying to understand how one could approach a social topic topics that angered, that one got emotionally involved with which were the most challenging. Most difficult. One got involved. It was something that people in research wanted ….mainly because they believed that what they said could make a difference in the lives of others. It gave a sense of mission and purpose and that essentially was why one went into research in the first place. And it was rare to get an assignment . Anita would be valuable to have onto the meeting….. and wondering how he could entice her into coming, he went for his bath
anitastrip
The mobile alarm rang as usual, and as usual she put it on snooze. Ten minutes more – as she lay in her favorite space, between waking and sleeping, between dreams and this busy world, between darkness and light.
Anita liked waking up when it was still a little dark, and she could see the few last stars fade away. There was silence all around. Faint lingering minutes as the black skies turned to a deep blue on the horizon. Before the hussle bussle started, the remembrance that Earth was just one of the million, billion, zillions.
The dreams usually left after hearing the mobile ring – and then the lists would start. Lists of what she needed to do that day. Call Ishwar. Atta is over. Crayons….
Up, up, up…….. the beginings of all the things she had to get done that day got her out of bed…..to the loo…brush…kitchen….
Water for her hot lime juice and for tea on one burner, milk on the other, take out butter from the fridge, waters boiling, squeeze the lime, add cold water to the glass, then hot, dump in the mint and tea leaves and milk, out with the vegetable, wash, cut cut cut, take out the atta from the fridge, remove the tea and milk, put on the kadai, fry the onions whilst she poured the tea, oops forgot the butter, bring it out from the fridge so that its soft …..
Pour milk into two cups…ooops that’s not Aparajita’s mickey mouse one .if its not that one she will cry and cry and cry and refuse to have her milk….. pour in Bourne Vita, stir, stir, stir, pour the tea into two big mugs……..
Call out to kids, give the mug to Kailash in his bed, she walks out to the verandah …. 15 minutes of the morning are over.
Multi tasker…. Like all women.
Anita liked waking up when it was still a little dark, and she could see the few last stars fade away. There was silence all around. Faint lingering minutes as the black skies turned to a deep blue on the horizon. Before the hussle bussle started, the remembrance that Earth was just one of the million, billion, zillions.
The dreams usually left after hearing the mobile ring – and then the lists would start. Lists of what she needed to do that day. Call Ishwar. Atta is over. Crayons….
Up, up, up…….. the beginings of all the things she had to get done that day got her out of bed…..to the loo…brush…kitchen….
Water for her hot lime juice and for tea on one burner, milk on the other, take out butter from the fridge, waters boiling, squeeze the lime, add cold water to the glass, then hot, dump in the mint and tea leaves and milk, out with the vegetable, wash, cut cut cut, take out the atta from the fridge, remove the tea and milk, put on the kadai, fry the onions whilst she poured the tea, oops forgot the butter, bring it out from the fridge so that its soft …..
Pour milk into two cups…ooops that’s not Aparajita’s mickey mouse one .if its not that one she will cry and cry and cry and refuse to have her milk….. pour in Bourne Vita, stir, stir, stir, pour the tea into two big mugs……..
Call out to kids, give the mug to Kailash in his bed, she walks out to the verandah …. 15 minutes of the morning are over.
Multi tasker…. Like all women.
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